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 Julius Claudius Valentine the Second - Sheet

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Hyorin

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PostSubject: Julius Claudius Valentine the Second - Sheet   Sat Feb 18, 2012 5:53 pm

{Edited}

This post has been edited to stop people's eye's from Bleeding


Last edited by Hyorin on Sat Feb 18, 2012 7:48 pm; edited 4 times in total
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Mesataki
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PostSubject: Re: Julius Claudius Valentine the Second - Sheet   Sat Feb 18, 2012 6:00 pm

I think you can add a lot more in terms of personality and capability like more flaws, weaknesses, strengths, and all sorts of things. Personality is a bit standard as I have no idea what he's like.
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Hyorin

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PostSubject: Re: Julius Claudius Valentine the Second - sheet   Sat Feb 18, 2012 6:07 pm

Ok, Sorry, again didn't know what all i should put in and what i shouldn't, I get on it ;]
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Mesataki
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PostSubject: Re: Julius Claudius Valentine the Second - Sheet   Sat Feb 18, 2012 6:10 pm

I say put in as much as possible. After all, the more you have to say about a character, the better they are.
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Hyorin

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PostSubject: Re: Julius Claudius Valentine the Second - sheet   Sat Feb 18, 2012 6:27 pm

Edited, Please lemme know if more is still needed ;]
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Mesataki
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PostSubject: Re: Julius Claudius Valentine the Second - Sheet   Sat Feb 18, 2012 6:29 pm

Much better, though I'd touch up on the grammar. I'm having a hard time following what you mean. Random capitalization doesn't help. XD
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Hyorin

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PostSubject: Re: Julius Claudius Valentine the Second - sheet   Sat Feb 18, 2012 6:41 pm

To be honest i didn't See Any problems with my Grammar Neutral Whichever Problems there might have been i fixed them (oh, and with "Prefer" i have dyslexia so yeah, sometimes that happens)
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Mesataki
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PostSubject: Re: Julius Claudius Valentine the Second - Sheet   Sat Feb 18, 2012 6:51 pm

I can break it down. Razz

Quote :
Kind but quiet, Care for his friends like their his family

For example you randomly capitalized 'care.' There's no period afterwards to separate it as a different statement from the other fragments.

Quote :
Sword and Shield, Dual Wielding Swords (Well known for skill in Dual Weapons), heavy armor Skills (idk if that goes here or where or anywhere @_@), As far as magic goes he's Useless, bow, almost the same, Prefers a straight up fight rather then a ranged because of this, since he knows he will pretty much Never be any good with magic he spent all his time Learning about Fighting Styles, with bow, odds are he couldn't hit a dragon if it was right in front of him, so he doesn't even try.

There are no punctuation marks except for the ending period, resulting in a lot of fragments and run-on sentences. Like 'he spent all his time Learning about Fighting Styles, with bow' made me think for a moment that he's a good archer - then the next part completely blows that out of the water.

I generally get what you mean; it's just we may have some resident grammar Nazis whose eyes will bleed (and it's taking all of their willpower not to abuse the edit feature). Your grammar doesn't really matter in informal places like chat and whatnot, but for RP'ing, it's for clarity's sake so everyone gets what you mean.
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Hyorin

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PostSubject: Re: Julius Claudius Valentine the Second - sheet   Sat Feb 18, 2012 7:26 pm

Better?
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Mesataki
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PostSubject: Re: Julius Claudius Valentine the Second - Sheet   Sat Feb 18, 2012 7:32 pm

Yeah, a little better. . 3 .
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Hyorin

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PostSubject: Re: Julius Claudius Valentine the Second - sheet   Sat Feb 18, 2012 7:43 pm

-.- ...............i really hate to say but if Everything with RP-ing and every character that has to be made Will undertake THIS much Editing and i have to Truly take my time, of which i already have very little to be online, to do things. then i doubt that i will have the time nor mind set to go trough and make Everything perfect for you guys. for that i'm sorry to have taken you're time but i really just don't Want or Feel the need to stay and take 15minutes just for one post, rather then stay where people are a little bit more understanding of other people's time and not be as you said "grammar Nazi's".

I hope you have a nice day. and again sorry for wasting you're time.
Goodbye~
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Mesataki
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PostSubject: Re: Julius Claudius Valentine the Second - Sheet   Sat Feb 18, 2012 7:53 pm

Ah that was fast. Sorry to hear that.

You're welcome back anytime.
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panda cheese

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PostSubject: umm   Sat Feb 18, 2012 8:03 pm

I hate to say it hyorin but you needed a capital I at the start of that sentence. (:
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